When it comes to writing great dialogue, I believe the more options you have, the better. One of the toughest things to do is stare at a screen hoping that something brilliant will just pop out of your mind and somehow fit the script you're writing.
Instead, I'd rather have many options. Today, we're going to see the value of a technique that isn't quite as profound as subtext or anticipation, but it can lure an A-list actor just as quickly.
It's called COLORFUL DIALOGUE.
From the movie TOMBSTONE, the scene where Doc Holliday and Johnny Ringo first meet. Pay close attention to the dialogue of Doc, Fabian, Ike, and Ringo. Each of them express character and move the scene forward through colorful dialogue.
INT - ORIENTAL - NIGHT
Mr Fabian enters, dramatically gotten-up like
Lord Byron. The whole bar bursts into
applause. He bows.
Breakenridge jumps up from his table, excited:
BREAKENRIDGE
Here, Mr Fabian, have this table.
He seats Fabian near the faro game, gets him
some champagne.
FABIAN
Oh, thank you. Youíre very kind.
BREAKENRIDGE
Mr. Fabian, I've got to tell you,
That's the most wonderful thing I
ever saw. What was that?
FABIAN
Henry's all right but he's no
match for the Melancholy Dane.
(sees his confusion)
Hamlet, dear friend, the
supreme role of any actor worth
his salt.
NOTE: First note a few of Fabian's traits: Haughty and theatrical. And his dialogue is often "Poetic."
DOC
(leans in, points to Wyatt)
Here's a man you should meet,
Mr. Fabian. Excellent character
study for you, the real-life
actual Melancholy Dane.
NOTE: Now, we see one of Doc's traits -- Educated. In 2007, I wouldn't use a trait like this, but in the world of Tombstone, an educated man was rare, and therefore stood out.
FABIAN
Indeed, sir? How so?
DOC
Well he hems, he haws, he
talks out of both sides of
his mouth-but all on a very
high plane, just like Hamlet.
WYATT
Getting drunk, Doc.
Doc chuckles. Suddenly Curly Bill looms over
the faro table with Ringo and a drunken Ike
Clanton.
CURLY BILL
Wyatt Earp, huh? I heard of
you.
IKE
Listen, Mr. Kansas Law-dog.
Law don't go around here.
Savvy?
NOTE: There's a beautiful line. In just two sentences, we know Ike. He's the opposite of Doc. Uneducated, threatening, and willing to fight without sizing up the situation around him.
Look at that line: He starts with "Unique Naming" -- Mr. Kansas Law-dog. Then some grammar that fits his education. But what makes it interesting is the "Emotion" that comes through.
WYATT
I'm retired.
CURLY BILL
Good. That's real good.
IKE
Yeah, that's good, Mr.
Law-dog, because law don't
go around here.
NOTE: Once again, this is beautiful because it so fits this character. He is single-minded and repeats himself because that is all he can do.
WYATT
I heard you the first time.
CURLY BILL
Shut up, Ike.
RINGO
(steps up to Doc)
And you must be Doc Holliday.
DOC
That's the rumor.
NOTE: Sarcastic response.
RINGO
You retired, too?
DOC
Not me. I'm in my prime.
NOTE: Here's another of Doc's traits: Fearless. While Wyatt Erp spends most of the movie trying to stay out of a gunfight, Doc is willing to engage in one at the drop of a hat.
Also, in the actual movie, Doc is sweating because he is dying. So Ringo's next line is a Subtext Pointer indicating Doc's physical state.
RINGO
Yeah, you look it.
DOC
And you must be Ringo. Look,
Darling, Johnny Ringo. The
deadliest pistoleer since
Wild Bill, they say. What do
you think, darling? Should I
hate him?
KATE
You don't even know him.
NOTE: Doc instantly identifies Ringo as the "deadliest pistoleer" and then talks about hating him. Doc is taunting Ringo without fear and without acting crazy. Every line from this point on increases the tension and sets up the personal conflict between the two men.
DOC
Yes, but there's just
something about him.
Something around the eyes,
I don't know, reminds me
of me. No. I'm sure of it,
I hate him.
NOTE: Doc is doing a few things here. First, in the last two sets of lines, he has "Contradictory Statements." He states how deadly Ringo is, then asks if he should hate him. Then, he says that Ringo reminds him of himself and follows that up with "I'm sure of it, I hate him."
Second, his final line is a "Strange Conclusion." He is standing right in front of Ringo, talking about him like he isn't there and clearly stating Ringo's reputation, then coming to the conclusion that he should hate him.
And third, he just compared Ringo to himself. Essentially, he is establishing a relationship between the two of them and at the same time, he's saying that Ringo is in his league.
Finally, in both of these, he has "Taken this to an Extreme."
WYATT
(to Ringo)
He's drunk.
DOC
In vino veritas.
RINGO
Age quod agis.
DOC
Credat Judaeus Apella.
RINGO
(pats gun)
Ecentus stultorum magister.
DOC
(Cheshire cat smile)
In pace requiescat.
NOTE: They spar in Latin. Notice how use of a different language here says something powerful about these characters. It says they are both educated and it says they are very similar.
I would call that exchange "Jargon" that comes from having similar educations.
WHITE
(enters, appeasing)
Come on now. We don't want
any trouble in here. Not in
any language.
DOC
Evidently Mr. Ringo's an
educated Man. Now I really
hate him.
NOTE: And if we didn't get who Doc is in this situation, he confirms it with these last lines.
Ringo looks at Doc, holding his gaze while
suddenly whipping out his .45. Everyone but
Doc flinches.
Ringo does a dazzling series of twirls and
tricks, his nickel-plated pistol flashing
like a blaze of silver fire, finally
slapping it back into his holster with a
flourish. Cheers and hoots. Doc rolls his
eyes, hooks a finger through the handle of
his silver cup, then launches into an exact
duplication of Ringo's routine using a cup
instead of a gun.
The room bursts into laughter. Doc shrugs.
Ringo lets a strange little hint of a smile
cross his face then exits with the others.
While the writer used many techniques to make this scene work, he also used our Seven Colorful Dialogue techniques that are listed below. Each of these is a simple way to turn a blah line into a more colorful line.
They are:
- Take to extreme
- Poetic
- Unique Naming
- Jargon
- Write emotionally
- Contradictory statements
- Strange conclusions
I don't have the space here to deliver a complete explanation of each one, but if you review my notes above, you'll see an example of each.
In the meantime, pull out one of the scenes you've already written and see where you can rewrite a line of dialogue using one of these seven techniques. You'll be surprised how often you can find a place to have one of your characters sparkle with a little colorful dialogue.
Want some guidance for writing Great Dialogue? Check out our Advanced Dialogue Class.
