Recommended Screenwriters
When Voice-overs Work! Part 2
- June 13, 2011
- Posted by: HalCroasmun
- Category: Articles
See Part 1 of this Article here.
So what's the problem with starting a script with a Voice Over?
Two things. First, one out of two screenplays by a new screenwriter starts with a voice over and in most cases, they bore the reader to death telling them the story that should be shown on the screen.
That leads to the second part of the problem. Because VO's have been overused and abused, they automatically sets off an alarm in a reader's mind. It puts them on alert that this script may be from an amateur. If they're already looking for a reason to say "no," the VO may become that reason…
…unless it's well written.
Once again, we're in search of what makes a quality VO. In the first part of this article, I gave two guidelines:
- Quality VO's don't describe what is on the screen. They enhance it. If all it tells you is what is on the screen, cut it.
- Quality VO's intrigue the listener. If the VO isn't intriguing by itself, cut it.
Now, let's take a look at two more.
- Quality VO's give a deep sense of character.
- Quality VO's take you deeper into the story world.
In this scene from the opening of BULL DURHAM, notice the combination of baseball, sex, and religion. In about 1.5 pages, we get a sense of the essence of Annie and we have a much deeper understanding of this WORLD of Minor League Baseball, at least, from Annie's eyes.
A SHRINE — And it glows with the candles like some religious altar.
We hear a woman's voice in a North Carolina accent.
ANNIE (V.O.)
I believe in the Church of Baseball. (beat) I've tried all the major religions and most of the minor ones–I've worshipped Buddha, Allah, Brahma, Vishnu, Siva, trees, mushrooms, and Isadora Duncan…
PAN AWAY FROM THE SHRINE across the room. Late afternoon light spills into the room, across fine old furniture, to a small dressing table. A WOMAN applies make up.
ANNIE SAVOY, mid 30's, touches up her face. Very pretty, knowing, outwardly confident. Words flow from her Southern lips with ease, but her view of the world crosses Southern, National and International borders. She's cosmic.
ANNIE (V.O. CONT'D)
I know things. For instance– (beat) There are 108 beads in a Catholic rosary. And– (beat) There are 108 stitches in a baseball. (beat) When I learned that, I gave Jesus a chance. (beat) But it just didn't work out between us. The Lord laid too much guilt on me. I prefer metaphysics to theology. (beat) You see, there's no guilt in baseball…and it's never boring.
NOTE: By this point, there is no question that Annie is a unique character with some very interesting perspectives. Her language is poetic, which makes sense, because she is an English teacher.
But she also sees baseball as a religion…and there's more.
ANNIE OPENS A CLOSET DOOR — Dozens of shoes hang from the door. She chooses a pair of RED HIGH HEELS, with thin straps.
She sits on a bench and
ANNIE
Which makes It like sex. (beat) There's never been a ballplayer slept with me who didn't have the best year of his career. (beat) Making love is like hitting a baseball– you just got to relax and concentrate.
NOTE: We just went from religion to sex. That's quite a jump and it is an excellent hook to take us deeper into this story world.
From Annie's perspective, baseball, religion, and sex are all tied together. Are we getting to know Annie and her world?
ANNIE SLIPS ON THE RED HIGH HEELS — Smoothing her hands up her calves as she does.
ANNIE
Besides, I'd never sleep with a player hitting under .250 unless he had a lot of R.B.I.'s or was a great glove man up the middle. (BEAT) A woman's got to have standards.
NOTE: On top of all of that, she's got standards. While I think this is an excellent punchline. It also again says what Annie is about. She knows baseball and she feels that she is contributing to the game in her own unique way.
Important: She's not a groupie or whore or anything like that. She is someone brings her own unique value to the game.
ANNIE STARTS PACKING A HUGE HANDBAG — With fruit, an official scorebook, binoculars, a radar gun, and lipstick.
ANNIE
Y'see there's a certain amount of "life-wisdom" I give these boys. (beat) I can expand their minds. Sometimes when I've got a ballplayer alone I'll just read Emily Dickinson or Walt Whitman to him. The guys are so sweet–they always stay and listen. (beat) Of course a guy will listen to anything if he thinks it's foreplay.
ANNIE TOUCHES PERFUME BEHIND HER EARS and, ever so slightly, in her cleavage.
ANNIE
I make then feel confident. They make me feel safe. And pretty.
NOTE: And her final line tells us a little about Annie's own needs.
Did you notice how that VO fulfilled all four of my guidelines for a great VO? It enhanced what was seen on screen, intrigued us, gave us a deep sense of character and took us deeper into the story world.
Poor VO's "tell" us a lot, but don't entertain, intrigue, etc. But, a quality VO can lure a reader deep into your story and build a deeply satisfying world that we'll enjoy living in.
One last point: If you read your VO and can't tell if it fulfills these guidelines, cut it. A VO is a tool and should only be used if it truly enhances the script. So if it is on the fence, cut it.
Follow these guidelines and you'll have readers and Producers raving about the quality of your story…all because of that VO.
And if you want your VO to sound as good as Annie's did, take a look at our Fresh & Edgy Class and our Advanced Dialogue Class.