Recommended Screenwriters
What Makes Screenplay Dialogue Great?
- September 9, 2010
- Posted by: HalCroasmun
- Category: Articles
When screenplay dialogue is flat or bland, the whole script suffers. On the other hand, great dialogue can elevate a mediocre script and cause people to see the writer as "someone with serious potential," even if there are other glaring errors in the screenplay.
Among other things, great dialogue produces these results:
– Delivers on multiple levels
– Projects character
– Engages us in the story
– Sounds natural, but accomplishes a purpose.
It is well worth taking the time and effort to master the skill of writing great dialogue. To start that process, let's look at some dialogue from THE AMERICAN PRESIDENT that Aaron Sorkin wrote which does a pretty good job of bringing a scene to life.
In this scene, President Shepherd has just returned to the White House after reversing his position on a political deal he made with Sydney, who is his girlfriend and who also works for an environmental lobby firm. He finds Sydney searching for a sweater.
INT. SHEPHERD'S BEDROOM – LATE AFTERNOON
SYDNEY is going through the closet in search of something.
The door opens, and SHEPHERD steps in, perhaps a little
tentatively. He doesn't see SYDNEY at first.
SHEPHERD
(calling out)
Syd?
SYDNEY comes out.
SYDNEY
Have you seen a gray cableknit
sweater?
SHEPHERD
A grey…sweater? No. I called you
at the office, but…
SYDNEY
It's Beth's. I wore it here one time,
and I didn't want to leave it.
NOTE: This seems like a useless topic for a lead character to be discussing with the President of the U.S.. Normally, this kind of thing wouldn't move the story forward, but in this case, you'll see that the sweater is a brilliant METAPHOR for how Sydney feels.
Also, notice how it leads to Shepherd's question, which then leads to the big issue. This is Sydney's first HOOK: "I didn't want to leave it."
SHEPHERD
Where were you going?
SYDNEY continues her search.
SYDNEY
I'm going home, and then I'm going
to Hartford.
NOTE: Another hook.
SHEPHERD
Connecticut?
SYDNEY
Yes. Do you know if it was sent with
your dry cleaning by any–
SHEPHERD
What's in Connecticut?
NOTE: Notice how Shepherd has to drag this information out of her. The subtext is that he knows there is a problem under the surface, but hasn't gotten to it yet.
SYDNEY
Richard Reynolds' campaign. He may
be able to get me a job.
NOTE: A third hook. By the time we get to Sydney's next line, we're in a heavy state of anticipation.
SHEPHERD
When did you decide to get a new
job?
SYDNEY
Not long after Leo Solomon fired me
from my old one. Beth's gonna kill
me. She loves that–
NOTE: Again, notice how Sydney is only giving the minimum amount of information she can. She is forcing him to dig deeper. Also, notice that there are two different conversations going on here — the "sweater" conversation and the "firing/new job" conversation.
SHEPHERD
Why did he fire you?
SYDNEY
Total failure to achieve any of the
objectives for which I was hired. I
told him he was being unreasonable.
After all, I did get to dance with
the President and ride in Air Force
One a couple of times. But you know
those prickly environmentalists.
It's always gonna be something with
them. If it's not clean air, then
it's clean water. Like it isn't good
enough that I'm on the cover of People
Magazine.
NOTE: Note the subtext technique — sarcasm. It is a great technique for her to express her anger with Shepherd and to have us understand her concerns without directly stating them.
SHEPHERD
I'll call him.
SYDNEY
You'll call him? You mean you'll
call him yourself? Personally?
It'll come from the President?
That's a great idea. I think you
should call Leo and make a deal. He
hires me back for, say, 72 days. I
go around scaring the hell out of
Congress, making them think that the
President's about to drive through a
very damaging and costly bill.
They'll believe me, right, 'cause
I'm the President's Friday Night
Girl. Now I don't know if you can
dip into this well twice, especially
since I've lost all credibility in
politics, but you never know, I might
just be able to pull it off again. I
might be able to give you just the
leverage you need to pass some ground-
breaking piece of crime legislation —
like a mandatory three-day waiting
period before a five-year-old can
buy an Uzi.
NOTE: Again, sarcasm as subtext. She's not saying "Wow, this is a great idea." She's saying "You've killed my reputation and taken me out of politics."
Also, notice the exaggeration in the end: "three-day waiting period before a five-year-old can buy an Uzi." Another excellent technique for creating colorful dialogue.
She slams the drawer.
SYDNEY
F–k the sweater — she'll have to
learn to live with disappointment.
NOTE: Here is my favorite line. She's not talking about her sister; she's talking about herself. She's not talking about the sweater; she's talking about her career and love-life. At this point, the sweater metaphor has paid off. It is interesting how the writer used this metaphor to deliver the emotional impact of Shepherd's betrayal.
She starts to exit.
SHEPHERD
What do you think went on here today?
She stops.
SYDNEY
I know exactly what went on here
today. I got screwed. You saw the
poll, you needed the crime bill, you
couldn't get it on your own, so I
got screwed.
NOTE: Finally, Sydney has told him exactly what she is upset about. If this had been her third set of lines in the beginning of this scene, it would have been considered on-the-nose and bad dialogue. But because of the amazing buildup, we now honor her direct statement.
SHEPHERD
The environment got screwed. Nothing
happened to you today, Sydney.
Governing is choosing. Governing is
prioritizing. I've made no secret of
the fact that the crime bill was my
top priority.
NOTE: Here is Shepherd's JUSTIFICATION. Again, if he had said this early in the scene, it would have been totally flat, but because it was well set up, with all the upset, it has an interesting impact: It shows Shepherd's standard line as nothing more than a weak justification.
SYDNEY
Well then, congratulations. It's
only taken you three years to put
together crime prevention legislation
that has no hope of preventing crime.
NOTE: Sydney just stated the IRONY of Shepherd's justification. That makes it interesting dialogue.
SYDNEY heads out the door–
SHEPHERD
(stopping)
Sydney. Please. I don't want to lose
you over this.
SYDNEY
Mr. President, you got bigger problems
than losing me. You just lost my
vote.
And SYDNEY is out the door…
NOTE: I like this METAPHOR because it provides many meanings. He's talking personally and she just answered politically. And the brilliance of her political answer is that it means she lost faith in him — both in their relationship and for the important job he is doing for the country.
Remember this: Great dialogue delivers on multiple levels. Not only does this dialogue deliver the messages listed above, it also becomes the "kick in the ass this President needs" to finally stand up to his opposition.
When dialogue is written well, it often looks deceptively simple. I've always liked this scene, but it wasn't until I analyzed it that I noticed all the work the writer put into it. Hopefully, just reading this gives you some ideas on how to improve your dialogue.
It takes some work to write great dialogue like this, but it is well worth it.
Want to learn more about writing great screenplay dialogue?
Check out our Advanced Dialogue Screenwriting Class where you learn 47 ways to write any line of dialogue — including many of those you saw in this article.
In 10 days, you'll have the tools to go from good dialogue to great dialogue.