Recommended Screenwriters
Writing Page-Turners, Part 2
- June 6, 2010
- Posted by: HalCroasmun
- Category: Articles
In Part 1 of this Article, I analyzed half of a scene from the movie OUT OF SIGHT, written by Scott Frank to determine what skills he used to make that script a page-turner.
Now, we’ll look at the second half of that scene to see even more of what keeps a reader’s attention and makes a script great.
Remember, the job is to create a page-turner.
In this article, I’m going to give you the punchline first and then you and I can work together to discover how these skills are used in the script.
Here are some of the skills he uses:
1. Have them talk about something in the future of the movie.
2. Give a warning.
3. Create suspense — worry about some future incident.
4. Create uncertainty about a future decision.
5. A twist that requires us to read farther.
6. Hooks that make us wonder.
To set up the scene, Foley and Buddy have escaped from prison. Foley jumped in the trunk with Karen, a U.S. Marshal.
INT. KAREN SISCO’S CAR TRUNK – NIGHT
Foley holds her to him, giving her no room to turn and stick the
gun in his face. Buddy reaches for the trunk lid and then
everything goes…
BLACK
Total darkness, not a crack or a pinpoint of light showing.
Then we hear the engine come to life, the car moving along.
FOLEY (VO)
You comfy?
KAREN (VO)
If I could have a little more room.
FOLEY (VO)
There isn’t any. All this shit you
got in here. What is all this stuff
anyway? Handcuffs, chains… what’s
this can?
KAREN (VO)
For your breath. You could use it.
Squirt some in your mouth.
FOLEY (VO)
You devil, it’s mace, huh? What’ve
you got here, a billy? Use it on poor
unfortunate offenders.
A BEAM OF LIGHT appears as he finds a flashlight and turns
it on. He plays the beam along Karen’s leg, calms down some
as he looks at all of her now and finally says…
FOLEY (VO)
Where’s your gun, your pistol?
KAREN
In my bag, in the car.
NOTE: Again, if we weren’t aware of the gun before, we are now. But there’s also some sexual tension. Two cons with an attractive woman. What will come of that? And she just lied to him, which could cause problems later.
BTW, the gun is in the trunk and we know it from the first half of this scene. So this mention of the gun instantly causes us to worry about Foley’s safety.
They go over some bumps. We hear men’s voices from
somewhere far off, outside.
KAREN (CONT’D)
You know you don’t have a chance of
making it. Guards are out here already,
they’ll stop the car.
NOTE: A warning that makes us wonder again. And in the sentence of description below, more sexual tension.
He runs his hand down her thigh, looking for her gun, but also,
just, well, looking.
FOLEY
They’re off in the cane by now chasing
Cubans. I timed it to slip between
the cracks, you might say.
NOTE: This line of dialogue causes us to believe he might get away. It creates hope for a future for Foley. The combination of hope and fear causes a reader to feel uncertainty about the fate of Foley.
EXT. CAR – NIGHT
As Buddy floors it away from the prison, checks the rear view
mirror…
NOTE: Of course someone is going to chase him. So him checking the rear view mirror immediately has us wonder if and when someone will be on his tail.
INT. TRUNK – SAME
As Jack tries to wipe some of the mud off his face.
FOLEY
Boy, it stunk in there.
KAREN
I believe it. You’ve ruined a nine-
hundred-dollar suit my dad gave me.
FOLEY
Yeah, went real nice with that twelve
gauge, too.
(then)
Tell me, why in the world would someone
like you ever become a federal marshall?
KAREN
The idea of going after guys like you
appealed to me.
Note: Once again, she’s reminded us that “her job” is to apprehend escaped cons. Naturally, we’re assuming she’ll try to capture them.
FOLEY
Guys like me, huh. Well, listen, even
though I’ve been celibate lately, I’m
not gonna force myself on you. I’ve
never done that in my life.
KAREN
You wouldn’t have time anyway. We
come to a roadblock, they’ll run the
car, find out in five seconds who it
belongs to.
FOLEY
If they get set up in time, which I
doubt. And even if they do they’ll be
looking for a buncha little Latin
fellas, not a big black guy driving a
Ford.
NOTE: She’s given another warning and he has again created hope that there’s a future for him. There’s also the mention of sex again.
KAREN
Must be quite a pal, risk his own ass
like this.
More bumps. Then picking up speed as the road smooths out.
FOLEY
Who, Buddy? Yeah. He’s a good guy.
Back when we jailed together, he’d
call his sister every week without
fail. She’s a born-again Christian,
does bookkeeping for a televangelist.
Buddy calls her up, confesses his sins,
tells her about whatever bank he
happened to rob.
KAREN
Buddy. That’s his given name?
FOLEY
(woops, beat)
One I gave him, yeah.
NOTE: The conversation has become more friendly. And this makes us begin to wonder if there’s the possibility of a relationship here. We’re also wondering how she’s going to use all this information she’s gathering. She now knows Buddy’s name, that Buddy was in jail with Foley and that he calls his sister and confesses his sins. Obviously, she’s investigating. But what will come of it?
We’ll stop right there because I think you get the point.
If you look back over that scene, how many times do you see the writer causing us to think, wonder, worry, or wish for something in the future?
In part one and two, I count at least 28 things the writer did to send us into the future of this script. You may disagree, but even if it is half that number, isn’t it amazing how much effort went into creating a variety of possible futures?
That is part of what makes this script a page-turner.
WHAT TO DO?
Again, here are some of the techniques that were used in this scene. Each of them has their own way of sending us into the future of the movie.
1. Have them talk about something in the future of the movie.
2. Give a warning.
3. Create suspense — worry about some future incident.
4. Create uncertainty about a future decision.
5. A twist that requires us to read farther.
6. Hooks that make us wonder.
Even if you just became really good at these six techniques, it would be difficult for a reader to put your screenplays down. They’d be constantly speculating about the future of your story and then reading on to see if they were right.
Of course, Scott Frank used many other skills in this scene and throughout the script, but I wanted to highlight these skills because they are often missing in screenplays that are turned down.
Constantly sending the reader into the future of your script will keep them engaged, cause them to worry about your characters, and make your script a page-turner. And like we mentioned last time, we cover this and much, much more in our “ProSeries Screenwriting Class,” which is our best overall class for bringing your writing to the next level.
I promise you, mastering this skill will make a huge difference in every screenplay you write and it just may create a brighter future for your career.